I’ve had one of those really frustrating days which leave me feeling like I’ve been bounced between all the “shoulds” in my life; I should get all of the orders from my day job out ASAP, I should answer that phone before the answer-machine cuts in again (you don’t get 19 messages from activity), I should be putting a list together for the next video in the play project, I should get all my accounts up to date, I must get my VAT return done, with a liberal sprinkling of “I want to make felt”.
It was just like running headlong into a wall, getting up, turning around in a slightly different direction and running into another wall, and so on, ad nauseum. The consequence? I got very little done beyond the bare essentials and still no felt.
This is such a familiar pattern for me and is very uncomfortable. Being this overwhelmed is like being pushed and pulled in all directions, like the games of piggy in the middle my brother and sister used to “play” with me as a child when I had that sense of rising panic that they would never give me my teddy back.
The teddy now is my creativity.
I have known for a long time that I would happily spend my days just creating or teaching others how to create. I know it will happen as I have a good business (the “day job”) which will create the background for it to happen. I also have the encouragement of a wonderful partner to help me get there and to work through days like today. It’s a case of being patient and doing what needs to be done to get there, and that involves accepting today as it was. Just a busy day at the office (i.e. more funds for us to play with).
In the meantime, I just need to rise above it and accept that teddy is safe and will always be there.
As a final realisation, days like today can also squeeze things out – like truly appreciating how much I want to do this, but mainly how much I need to put in for it to happen. This goes beyond the 30 Day Challenge. This is my life. It’s in my hands, no-one elses.
Rachael Greenland 